A white picket fence future with a zombie? It IS possible!
Recapping The Walking Dead, AMC’s new zombie TV series has resurrected (sorry! only pun, I promise!) my love for these creatures, long made dormant by the dominance of the vampire craze.
Don’t get me wrong. I have been glamoured by the allure of the Brothers Salvatore and Viking Eric Northman AKA the Gracious Plenty.
So to even suggest that dating a zombie would be preferable to hooking up with a vampire sounds as crazy as a vamp sparkling.
But I am here to show you why, in the battle to the undeath for your affections, a zombie should emerge as the victorious suitor.
Reason #1 Vampires have an eternity’s worth of exs
Although zombies are regenerated dead people, they have a limited undeadspan, unlike vampires, who life forever. In addition to the ennui that goes along with eternal life, could you imagine having to contend with potentially centuries or even millenia of baggage from a vampire suitor’s previous relationships?
Case in point: I am a huge fan of the Delena Vampire Diaries ship, but even though Ian Somerhalder’s Damon is a truly sexy beast, I do not envy the uphill battle Elena has to face in undoing the damage inflicted upon him by his crazy ex Katherine, who he pined over for 145 years until he discovered she could not care less about him.
Zombies’ Ex Files, by comparison, are much more manageable. Heck, you probably won’t ever have to have the awkward ex conversation, not only because zombies are not the best conversationalists, but because most zombies are too ugly to have much of a love life.
Reason #2 Zombies want you for your mind
You’ll never be in doubt that a zombie only wants you for superficial reasons like your body – the one and only thing they lust after in us humans is our braaaaaains!
Reason #3 Dating a zombie is like having an insta-group of friends
Say what you will about zombies, but they are certainly a social lot, preferring to converge on their human prey in groups. If you can get over the fact that their friends always want to gnaw on you, you’ll have the most awesome party lists in no time! Vampires, on the other hand, are the perennial loners. Zombies’ strength is in their numbers, whereas vampires tend to hunt alone as they are competing for the same Happy Meals with Legs. Vampire covens are rare and usually small at best.
Reason #4 Zombies are better dancers (though there is one exception to this rule!)
Zombies’ stiff limbs are perfect for popping and locking. The most famous music video of all time, Michael Jackson’s Thriller, is a tribute to their mad dancing skills!
Don’t believe me? See for yourself!
Vampires on the other hand?
I rest my case.
Angel might have heightened supernatural senses, but he basically dances like a frog in stocking – i.e. with no direction whatsoever.
The one exception to the rule is of course Mr Damon Salvatore.
KJewls, I know you would have never forgiven me if I didn’t make this concession!
Reason #5 You can grow old with a zombie
Vampires are permanently stuck at a particular age, whereas zombies not only age but are in fact decomposing (and you think WRINKLES are a drama!). With a vampire, you are forced to either turn and stay young and pretty forever but become a monster, or grow old while your vampire lover remains exactly the same.
So, fellow spideys and spidettes … have I helped you see zombies in a new light, or are you still firmly on Team Bloodsucker?
Watch this space for my next The Walking Dead recap, which is coming soon 🙂