Previously on The Walking Dead: Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes woke up from a coma to find himself a survivor of a zombieocalypse. He headed into the supposed safe haven Atlanta on his trusty horse, affectionatly dubbed Columbus by Spidey Sense, in search of his wife Lori and son Carl.
He was greeted by a Zombie Block Party and forced to seek refuge in a random tank on the street (presumably from the military trying to quell the zombie threat) when Columbus became a zombie all-you-can-eat buffet. By all accounts, Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes seemed doomed, trapped in a tank that zombies were converging on from all sides. But then, a kick ass voice on the walkie talkie the DS was carrying sounded off …
Now, let’s get onto this episode, shall we?
– Camp Survivor –
Spidey Sense: Hopes someone plays Humans vs Zombies, which is the most awesome version of tag ever!
Survivor Amy: Has been foraging for food and come back with potentially poisonous fungi.
Katniss Everdeen: Shakes her head in digust at the poor hunting and gathering skills on display.
Lori: Announces that she will go into the woods to forage for more food.
Lori and Shane Walsh AKA Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes’ police partner: Get it on zombie style after playing a freaky sex game of OMG, I’m a victim being stalked by a zombie only not really, it’s just a sweaty man.
Spidey Sense: Throws up in her mouth a little at this scene and wishes she could be killed off and come back as reanimated flesh so she can get rid of the memory of Shane-on-Lori action.
Lori: Apparently feels some guilt because the tryst is momentarily interrupted by her shucking off some jewellery obviously given to her by the DS.
Lori and Shane Walsh: Have a familiarity with each other that implies their role playing games preceded the zombieocalypse.
– Tank of Doom –
Voice on Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes’ walkie talkie AKA Glenn: Hi! Nice to meet you! You’re totally paddeling up s**t creek, in case you were wondering!
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: Gee, thanks dude!
Glenn: Is slightly more helpful and tells the DS about a getaway route that could work since the Zombie Block Party is distracted by what remains of poor Columbus from their snacking.
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: Does a quick search of weapons from the tank and picks up a grenade HE DOES NOT USE.
When you need a real badass: Call Tallahasse.
Spidey Sense: Still hearts the DS because he is a decent, kind man who also happens to be hot, and guesses he was trying to be smart cos zombies are attracted to sound. But still, wouldn’t using a grenade on the ZBP have been awesome?
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: Almost shoots his rescuer Glenn, thinking he is a zombie in his confusion and haste.
The boys: Make nice and climb up a fire escape stairway to safety.
Spidey Sense: Gets another mythology moment – apparently zombies aren’t smart enough or physically able to climb. Yet.
– Fire Escape Balcony –
Glenn: “Nice moves there, Clint Eastwood. You the new Sheriff come riding in to clean up the town?”
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: “It wasn’t my intention.”
Glenn: “Yeah, whatever, yee haw. You’re still a dumbass.”
Spidey Sense: Awards Glenn Twinkie Moment of the Week for the sheer awesomeness of his snarkage.
Glenn and the DS: Sneak down into a nearby alley with only a small group of straggling zombies.
Glenn: Calls for backup.
Small group of survivors: Are wearing what looks like ninja gear, and dispatch the zombies with baseball bats, though sadly no Flying Records of Doom.
Newly expanded group (DS included): Takes refuge in the survivors’ department store hidey hole.
Other survivor names: T-Dog, Jacqui, Morales and Andrea.
Spidey Sense: Well, if Morales goes down, you know we are in for a bumpy ride. Remember, in zombie tales, it is often the batsh**t craziness of the survivors themselves that is more dangerous than their flesh-eating foes.
The survivors: Are peeved at Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes, because his rescue has attracted the attention of the zombies, and all they wanted was a quick and dirty supply run.
Andrea: Way to ring the zombie dinner bell, dude! You’re on my B List for party invites now.
Zombie Block Party: Presses up against storefront windowns, oozing entrails and blood. Well, they do need the makeup in the store more than the human survivors anyway.
Lucky for the DS: There is someone even more annoying to the group than him who has made his grand appearance.
– Department Store Roof –
Dixon: Is an equal opportunity offender and up on the roof doing zombie target practice and attracting the attention of the Zombie Block Party with his crazed gunfire.
Dixon: Is a Bad Man. How can we tell? He uses the “n” word in the presence of T-Dog, an African-American man, which Spidey always hates. But he also calls one of the women “Sugar Tits” for good measure. Oh, the humanity!
T-Dog: Is beaten to a pulp by Dixon when he suggests that maybe he should shut the hell up before he gets them all killed.
Dixon: Through some mad camera work, looks like he has gotten the upper hand, until …
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: Hits him with a shotgun and handcuffs him to a pipe on the rooftop.
Spidey Sense: Well, this is gonna end well. Also – kinky! I want some rooftop time with the DS.
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: Tells Dixon that racism is so last season and that they are now divided only into white meat and dark meat in Zombieland.
Spidey Sense: Is suddenly hungry for a sandwich. Hmm, chicken or roast beef? Decisions, decisions …
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: “There’s us and the dead. We survive this by pulling together, not apart.”
Spidey Sense: Nods sagely at these wise words.
Dixon: Offers to “bump uglies” (hand to God!) with Andrea if she sets him free.
Millions of women who grew up on 90210: Choose yourself, girlfriend!
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes and Morales: Wonder if the sewers will be a better escape route than the streets.
The Convenience Fairy: Apparently resides in Zombieland, because, lo and behold, Jacqui has knowledge about the underground sewers due to her job pre-zombieocalypse.
Glenn: Is volunteered as the one to go down into the sewers to check they are safe. He doesn’t want a whole group to go down because he feels responsbile for the mess the survivors are in. The scavenger hunt for supplies the survivors were on is something he usually does alone.
Glenn and Morales: Go down together in the end.
Spidey Sense: ARGH! Morales is going down. You just know this can’t be good.
A Random Zombie: Nonchalantly chews on a rat in the sewers and is luckily separated from Glenn and Morales by a gate.
Glenn and Morales: GTFO and tells the others back in the department store that they need another plan.
Katherine Pierce: I have a whole alphabet of plans! Call me!
Survivors: Hey Kat, we may be trying to survive in Zombieland, but we’re not that desperate!
The group: Tries to think of a way to distract the zombies long enough so that they can steal a nearby truck.
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: *Lightbulb moment!* Let’s cover our human smell with zombie stench!
The group: Dresses in lab coats and gloves, before popping outside to zombienap one of their undead foes recently sent to the final death.
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: Makes zombie sushi after paying his respects to the zombie formerly known as human Wayne.
Glenn and the DS: Cover themselves with zombie blood and guts, plus put on zombie intestine necklaces.
Tiffanys: Does not approve.
Spidey Sense: Geez, Glenn always draws the short straw on these suicide missions, doesn’t he? Also, I won’t be at a loss for how to win my next costume party!
Spidey Sense: Awards them both the More Badass than Tallahassee Moment of the Week, because they obviously have a stronger stomach than she does.
Meanwhile, T-Dog: Wonders what they are going to do about Dixon.
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: Gives him the handcuff keys.
Karma: Is a bitch – Dixon will be at the mercy of the man he hurled racist slurs at and beat up!
The DS to Morales: “Give me the axe. I need more guts.”
Spidey Sense: Is clearly a dark and twisted individual, because this line cracked her up. Also, she thinks this is a great working in of the ep title, guys!
– Alleyway of Inauspiciousness –
Our Zombie Doppelganger Duo: Shift along slowly to avoid being detected.
The Plan: Is working! Until ….
The Heavens: Rumble. You just know this can’t be good.
– Camp Survivor –
Amy: Is all worked up because “they” aren’t back.
Presumably “they”: does not refer to Lori and Shane Walsh, who are back and basking in illicit sex glowiness.
Spidey Sense: Hates them both with the fire of a thousand suns, or something else appropriately Homerific.
T-Dog’s Voice: Crackles through their walkie talkie and he says that the survivor group in the city is surrounded by zombiefolk.
Amy: Wants to rescue them.
Shane Walsh: Cleary hasn’t fulfilled his douche quotient of the evening because he pretty much says Bitch, please!
Lori: Fixes Shane with a withering star that endears her a little to Spidey Sense.
– Back in Alleyway of Inauspiciousness –
Our Zombie Doppelganger Duo: Are blending in just fine, but as all viewers should know by now, this isn’t going to last long.
The Heavens: Open.
Rain Drops: Keep falling on their head.
Zombie Cologne: Is washed off.
The Rain Gods: Laugh maniacally.
Ashton Kutcher: Hey zombies! You’ve totally been punked!
Zombie Block Party: Assemble!
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: Splits a zombie’s head with an axe in a crazy delicious image.
Spidey Sense: Now c’mon, how could I award Zombie Kill of the Week to anything else?
Our Zombie Non-Doppelganger Duo: Run for their lives, taking a moment to get rid of their zombie costumes. They get into a truck but need to find a way to distract the zombies so that the others, still in the department store, can get in too.
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: Hotwires an awesome red sports car and sets off the alarm so it is a Zombie Distraction Vehicle. Is he going to drive it?
Spidey Sense: Of course not! It is left up to bloody Glenn again! That is it – I am officially off Team DS and on Team Glenn.
Glenn: Distracts the zombies and instructs the others via walkie talkie to be ready to hop into the truck.
T-Dog: Is a better person than Spidey Sense and goes back for Dixon, but alas trips and drops the handcuff keys into an open pipe.
T-Dog: Is clearly torn about the whole situation, but ultimately carefully locks the door to the roof to stave off zombies getting at Dixon and hightails it out of there.
Spidey Sense: Idiot! Didn’t he learn just last week on The Vampire Diaries that even if you stake a baddie, they will come back to life if you just leave their body?! Leaving Dixon on the roof means that one day he is going to come back to exact retribution on you!
– Alleyway of Inauspiciousness –
The Sports Car’s Alarm: Has distracted a few zombies, but the rest are still hot on the trail of the main group.
– Inside Truck of Tearaways –
Headcount: Is counted and Dixon’s absence noted.
T-Dog: Tells the truth about dropping the handcuff keys.
Spidey Sense: Is not really sure if they believe him, or even care.
The group: Sees Glenn speed away in his shiny new sports car.
Our heroes: Ride off into the metaphorical sunset.
Until next episode: Fin.