Thank you, Graham Annable, for this awesome cartoon!
All picspam and GIFs in this recap are from F**k Yeah The Walking Dead Tumblr unless otherwise credited.
Now, before we get into the guts and innards of the recap, here are some pics of my Walking Dead TV Boyfriend Glenn in all his cute Asian glory, by popular demand.
Here’s hoping that he looks like this other Cute Asian underneath his shirt, KJewls!
OK, now onto the serious stuff, Spideys and Spidettes 🙂
– Camp Survivor River –
Useless Aunt Jenna Sisters Andrea and Amy: Sit on a boat and fish using different methods, because their father showed them different ways of tying them knots because they are so different, and…
Metallica: Enter Sandman!
Spidey Sense: Catches some z’s for this part.
Bella Swan: Girls, you’re a special snowflake like me!
– Camp Survivor Main Base –
Jim: The mechanic digs a hole at a frenzied pace.
Spidey Sense: Looks like he is angling for China, or maybe Mystic Falls – maybe he is Team Bloodsucker and not Team Braaaains?
Dale: Watches Jim did his hole, but from the camerawork we are apparently meant to think that it is JIM who is creepy.
– Zombie Capital of America, Atlanta –
Merle’s hand: Hi Ragtag Group of Rescuers!
Rest of Merle’s body: Nowhere to be seen.
Darryl: Starts to launch a crossbow attack on T-Dog because he blames him for being in a situation that required his brother to saw his hand off.
Jigsaw: Fool! Obviously you haven’t watched Saw XVIIIIIIIIIIIII, or you’d know the real culprit.
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: Pulls a gun on Darryl.
Darryl: Backs down, putting his brother’s hand in a handkerchief.
Spidey Sense: Sees what the writers did there.
Darryl: Puts the kerchiefed hand in Glenn’s backpack, as you do.
Glenn: Always seems to be toting one body part or another, so it’s just another day at the office, really.
Our Ragtag Group of Rescuers: Follow the red brick road of Merle’s blood in a twisted kind of scavenger hunt search.
Spidey Sense: Let’s hope they find more Merle body parts on their merry way!
– Camp Survivor –
Dale: Confronts Jim about his new hole-digging obsession.
Jim: Doesn’t want to talk about it; it’s a private kind of digging.
Spidey Sense: Kinda like porn requires a private kind of watching? Oh yeah, you know what kind of porn I like? Skarsporn!
Dale: Squeals about Jim’s hole-digging extracurricular activity to the rest of the camp, though seems more concerned about a friend he thinks is going off the deep end than anything else.
Shane In Response To Talk About Holes: “Like the Shia LaBeouf movie”.
Spidey Sense: Shane, look, your crowning one-liner last ep was good enough to earn Twinkie Moment of the Week, but pandering to my pop culture obsessiveness won’t do it alone, OK?
– Merle’s Red Brick Road in Atlanta –
Our Ragtag Group of Rescuers: Take out a few zombies, though they discover a few Merle has single-handedly, in every sense of the word, taken on. They discover a kitchen where Merle has evidently used a hot skillet to cauterize his wound.
Spidey Sense: Damn! More Badass Than Tallahassee Moment of the Week by a long shot!
You know: What’s grosser than the cauterizing?
Jawless Zombette: Being taken out when she surprises Our Ragtag Group.
Red Brick Road: Ends at a smashed window, where Merle had obviously made like Felix Felicis and got the luck out of there.
Our Ragtag Group of Survivors: Will need to get the DS’s bag of guns dropped in Atlanta in an earlier episode back if they want a fighting chance of going after Merle.
– Camp Survivor –
Dale and the rest of the camp: Approach Jim and ask him what the hell is going on.
Shane Walsh: Attempts to reason with Jim to stop him from freaking everyone else out.
Spidey Sense: Awww, leave Jim alone. He wasn’t bothering anyone by digging a hole to Mystic Falls or wherever. People, I think you’ve got more important things to worry about, like, um, a ZOMBIEOCALYPSE.
Jim: Is like the little green tractor that could and keeps on digging, Shane Walsh, Dale and the rest of the camp be damned.
Shane Walsh: Handcuffs Jim…
Spidey Sense: Hmm, wonder if her ever used those on Lori?
Shane Walsh: And throws Jim’s face in the dirt of his hole, breaking Spidey’s heart a little because he looks so broken and defeated.
Jim: Breaks down and gives this deeply saddening speech…
– End of Red Brick Road in Atlanta –
Glenn: Pitches a masterplan for retrieving the bag of guns. Breaking it down, he’ll run for them while Darryl covers him with his crossbow and return the way he came if he can, but if he has to will escape to a position two blocks off where T-Dog and the DS will be waiting for him.
Darryl: Wonders where Glenn developed his strategic skills.
Glenn: Explains that, actually, he delivered pizzas pre-zombieocalypse.
Cordelia Chase: Don’t worry Glenn, I’m sure your pizza delivery career took you so many exciting places!
Spidey Sense: Hmm, Glenn seems like the cute geek type who would be obsessed with World of Warcraft and other video games, so I’m not too surprised about his mad strategizing skills.
Our Ragtag Group of Rescuers: Split up, which makes Spidey Sense nervous, because in horror movies this is always how victims are picked off.
Glenn: Makes a mad dash for the gun bag with Darryl covering him and manages to make his way back again before the zombies can fully realise what is happening and start lumbering at him in earnest.
He didn’t bank on: Human foes!
Glenn and Darryl: Are jumped by random assailants, who, surprisingly, don’t look like this…
The Non-Masked Avenger Kidnappers: Have some backups in a Non-Masked Avengermobile who grab Glenn and speed off with him.
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes and T-Dog: Picked up the gun bag before the others could get to it and also have a bargaining chip in the form of a Non-Masked Avenger-in-a-Wifebeater accidentally left behind.
Spidey Sense: Can’t really blame them for wanting alone time with Glenn.
Darryl: To his credit, tries to give chase, but is distracted by zombies who have started pouring in through a nearby gate that is ajar.
Spidey Sense: Ajar gates during a zombieocalypse? Big mistake! Just ask Shaun from Shaun of the Dead!
– Camp Survivor –
Jim: Is shackled to a tree. He apologises to Lori for scaring the kids and says he can’t even remember why he was digging the holes, apart from that the insane urge was linked to a dream he had that he can’t remember the details of.
– Back in Zombie capital of America, Atlanta –
Non-Masked Avenger-in-a-Wifebeater: Travels in a van with the DS, Darryl and T-Dog to what appears to be an old factory where his cohorts are so that they can make a deal.
Guillermo AKA Non-Masked Avenger Leader: Says they’ll kill Glenn if they don’t get Non-Masked Avenger-in-a-Wifebeater and the gun bag.
Our Ragtag Group of Survivors Minus Glenn: Are vastly outnumbered by the Non-Masked Avenger Kidnappers.
Spidey Sense: Will personally zombify the whole group if they hurt Glenn.
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: Calls for a timeout, which includes this sweet scene…
Our Ragtag Group of Survivors Minus Glenn: Go back in what is basically a suicide mission give how severely outnumbered they are.
All: Is not as it seems!
Sweet Lil Old Lady: Appears suddenly and Non-Masked Avenger Leader looks chastened when she asks for help.
Haley Joel Osment: I see old people!
The Non-Masked Avenger Kidnappers: Suddenly start acting like nice young grandsons.
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: Takes advantage of their softening situation and lies that the Non-Masked Avenger Kidnappers are helping him with a missing persons case.
Sweet Lil Old Lady: Takes the group off in search of Glenn.
Spidey Sense: Props herself back in her chair after falling out of it going “WTFFFFF????” at the old lady revelation.
The Non-Masked Avenger Kidnappers: Are actually protecting a bunch of seniors in an old age home setup from being zombified.
Non-Masked Avenger Leader: Was a custodian pre-zombieocalypse.
Glenn: Is in no real danger; they were just pretending this was the case so that they could get the guns to protect the seniors.
Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes: Offers them the majority of the weapons before Our Ragtag Group heads back into the street.
The Van: Is missing.
Merle: Is more than likely back, bitches!
– Camp Survivor (Though Not For Long) –
Jim: Has been freed and is eating fish with the others.
Ed: A man who beat his wife Carol in the last episode and earned a spot of Spidey Sense’s zombie hit list, is sulking in his tent like a child, bearing the bruises of his last encounter with Shane.
Useless Aunt Jenna Sister Amy: Goes off for a tinkle.
Strange Rustlings: Rustle, first outside of Ed’s tent.
Spidey Sense: Yessssssssss! Zombie time!
Spidey Sense’s New Zombie BFF: Gnaws on Ed’s wind pipe. Umm, awesome! Twinkie Moment of the Week, baby!
Amy: Is picked off next in truly gruesome style.
Shane Walsh: Starts firing zombie headshots, and one earns himself Zombie Kill of the Week with this one…
Spidey Sense: Is glad she didn’t eat anything before watching this episode.
Jim and Morales: Bash zombies with baseball bats like they are innard-y piñatas.
Useless Aunt Jenna Sister Amy: Dies in her sister’s arms.
Jim: Gets bitten on his stomach, a zombie hickey that his human friends don’t see and he doesn’t bring to their attention.
Spidey Sense: Ironic that the death scene was the best one the sisters ever had.
Jim: Remembers his dream suddenly. “This is why I dug the holes.” To escape the horrors of Zombieland.
Until next episode: Fin.