In Defense Of Shirtless Salvatores

shirtlesssalvatoresseasonone

Oh, Vampire Diaries season one, how I miss your bountiful shirtlessness!

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Shirtfulness has become an epidemic on the Vampire Diaries in the second season, when it comes to our beloved Salvatore brothers.

The Salvatores have been running around fully clothed like this is their natural state, when really the recurrence of this theme is a disaster of cataclysmic proportions like a giant meteor hitting Earth.

Some examples:

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It is time for hot vampire torso porn lovers of the world to unite and help stop this madness in its tracks before it is too late.

Sure, we’ve been given the occasional shirtless crumb, but they have been few and far between and in recent interviews, like this one and this one, Vampire Diaries exec producers Julie Plec and Kevin Williamson have said these moments will now only be worked in if they “serve” the story.

Well, what happened to good old-fashioned fan-service, huh? Huh?!

I took on the task of counting the number of Shirtless Salvatore moments in the first ten episodes of Vampire Diaries season one as compared to season two. How I suffer for my art.

I cheated slightly and included open-shirted and shirt-lifting moments like these…

toosexyformyshirtdamon

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My goodness, it’s almost like this Tumblr blogger read my Damon hotness mixtape!

briandez:  no, dont put it back on! keep it off!

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There were eleven moments in season one compared to three in the second season.

So with this post I am fighting for our right to have Salvatore shirtlessness on our screens.

It’s my hope that this post will help marshal an army of fellow fangirls and fanbois to join the fight for this basic right.

Some of you might think this is just another excuse to wallpaper my blog with hot shirtless vampires. And let’s face it, I like to look at them, and so do you.

But the more I thought about it, the more reasons I could come up with for why it makes sense for Salvatore shirtfulness to be reigned in.

This post is dedicated to Amy from Imaginary Men, Julie from TV Recappers Anonymous and Jesse from Addicted to TVD Tumblr, in whom the shirtlessness force is strong.

Reason #1

When you’re in mortal peril, including self-inflicted danger from provoking enemies like your crazy ex with a phone call about your latest murderous exploits…

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…and sticking a knife in the not-so-friendly neighbourhood werewolf…

 

… a little thing like putting on clothes should hardly be your priority. And if there is one thing that we can count on in the Vampire Diaries, the Salvatores will always been in some type of danger.

Reason #2

Humans need clothes for warmth, but temperature doesn’t affect vampires, whether hot or cold, so wearing a shirt won’t make a shred of difference to them.

tvdgifs:  1.09 | History Repeating  

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Reason #3

Vampires are truly messy eaters…

 

KJewls, I bet you knew it was only a matter of time before I used this image again 🙂 

Eric from True Blood ruined his blue panty dropping sweater this way

…and seem to regularly find themselves on the pointy end of sharp objects…

 

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Imagine how much the Salvatores could save on their laundry bill if they didn’t need to wash bloodied shirts anymore. Not to mention that they wouldn’t need to use so much laundry detergent, which fits in with the environmentally friendly principles of the Ian Somerhalder foundation.

Reason #4

The sight of these vamps each week is panty dropping for many female audience members, so it is only fair that the actors lose articles of clothing themselves.

shirtless-damon 

Awesome screenshot from blogger pal Amy

Reason #5

Unlike certain other actors playing fictional vampires who have to get abs painted on…

 robpattinsonpaintedabs

…actors Paul Wesley (Stefan) and Ian Somerhalder (Damon) have trained to get their OhSoHot (TM Jesse) physiques, and it is a crying shame to let all their hard work go to waste.

 White Tank Stefan push ups

Seriously, if this was the sight that greeted me every time I went into a gym, I would never miss a session!

Reason #6

Ian’s shirtless fate is at the mercy of producers concerned that the nudity on the Vampire Diaries could become gratuitous, but he has been advocating against shirtfulness himself. At Paley Fest 2010, in Ian’s own words: “I ask, beg and call Julie and Kevin all the time and say, ‘Can I please get naked in this episode?’”

Ian makes a meal out of Nina Dobrev’s arm at Paley Fest

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Who are we to deny the boy what he wants?

Reason #7

Shirtlessness is a reminder to approach life with a glass half full attitude.

 fuckyesdakotastew:  :D

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Reason #8

Fangirls might be driven to desperate measures like theft if they aren’t given their little hearts’ desire.

keepcalmihidtheirshirts 

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Reason #9

Elena Gilbert, the human girl in love with both vampire brothers, recently discovered that her friends and family are in danger because she is a doppelganger with blood that could break an ancient curse. She has gone so far as to try to commit suicide by vampire Original in a misguided attempt to protect everyone.

Needless to say, she has been feeling depressed and needs some cheering up.

I can’t speak for Elena, but you know what always makes me feel better? I’ll give you a clue, it’s not chicken soup for the soul.

Personally, I don’t blame her for having a puss face in scenes like this where a Salvatore is in close proximity and his shirt is ON.

Reason #10

Vampire Diaries drinking games, like those at Forever Young Adult, that rely on the appearance of Shirtless Salvatores to work, are becoming a pale imitation of their former selves with this rampant shirtfulness.

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Reason #11

In Paul Wesley’s case, shirtlessness displays the extremely lean physicality that he has deliberately cultivated in order to portray a vampire convincingly.

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Tied Up Stefan

You thought I had forgotten about Bondage Stefan?! How wrong you were 😉

Here is an extract from an interview conducted with him prior to the premiere of the first season of the Vampire Diaries.

Q: What is your work-out regime? Has it changed now that you’re in Atlanta?

Paul: I’m trying to lean out as much as I can. I feel like vampires are these svelte creatures whose nutrition is essentially animal blood, so I knew that I couldn’t eat all these different carbs and sugars because it just didn’t feel right, physically and mentally. So, I’ve been limiting my intake, just because I feel like that’s what Stefan does, every day. For the first time in my life, I’ve been doing cardio. I’ve played sports, my whole life, and now I’m doing it, every morning. It sucks.

Now, notice he doesn’t explicitly say that this training approach is appropriate only for Stefan, who had reason to be even more lean than the average vampire until recently, because for years he had adhered to a strict bunny diet and refused to drink human blood.

But when you think about it, humans are just another type of animal to vampires, just like all non-human creatures are considered animals in our books. So even when Stefan and Damon drink people blood, they are taking in their equivalent of animal blood.

Ian Somerhalder hasn’t mentioned any specifics about his training regime in relation to his character, but he also has a supple frame. Maybe it’s a result of his love of dancing.

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Shirtlessness is a subtle, almost subliminal, way of reminding us that these svelte creatures are vampires, much like white pancake faces are a mainstay for the vampire actors in the Twilight Saga movies.

Reason #12

You don’t want to anger the Shirtlessness Gods with too much shirtfulness. Where other god-fearing religious types have sacrificed animals or invoked deities at temples to appease gods, in this case it is simple – just show more Salvatore torso porn.

The Shirtlessness Gods started getting agitated when there had been nary a Shirtless Salvatore since the premiere episode of season two until Katerina (S02E09).

shirtfulness is blasphemy

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We would be stupid to tempt fate again ;).

Speaking of Gods, I would be remiss not to include this INSANELY HOT picture of Music Sex God Brandon Flowers, also from Miss Amy!

Reason #13

Vampire Diaries costume designer Jennifer Bryan, in an interview with Vampire Diaries Source, acknowledged there are weird moments on set where she has to have the boys try on different shirts to see which ones will come off or on the easiest, since we quite often see them putting on or removing articles of clothing on screen for continuity reasons.

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Think how much easier her job would be if they were just shirtless, all the time.

By the way, I should mention that I am insanely jealous of a job that, when you boil it down to its essence, involves getting to obsess over these boys’ bodies and what they are not wearing or wearing, as the case may be, for a living.

So there you have it, guys!

Admittedly, Julie Plec assured us that she has had a chat with Kevin Williamson about the shirtless boy drought and things are meant to change in the second half of season two.

Rumours have even emerged from the Vampire Diaries camp about a Damon bath scene (and a lucky lady is likely to be getting all splish splashy with him).

But I have been hurt too many times by the producers’ Salvatore-clothing ways of late to believe that shirtlessness will become the mainstay it once was, unless we STAND UP AND DEMAND IT.

Use Twitter tag #TeamShirtlessSalvatores if you believe in this cause :).

Thank God that in the meantime we’ve had Tyler Lockwood around to give a giant FU to shirtfulness in his werewolf transformation scenes in By The Light Of The Full Moon (S02 E11).

 Tyler: What should I wear? I don’t think it’s like the Hulk where I get to keep my pants. 

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 The Vampire Diaries : Werewolves Do It In Chains

 The Vampire Diaries : Werewolves Do It In Chains

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Now it’s over to you guys! Let’s stop this shirtfulness epidemic before it starts infecting other shows too, like the one featuring this guy…

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About Spidey Sense

Pop culture junkie, fangirl, arts and theatre lover, and The Vampire Diaries, True Blood and The Walking Dead obsessive. View all posts by Spidey Sense

23 responses to “In Defense Of Shirtless Salvatores

  • kjewls

    Now THIS is a post I will surely be visiting EVERY DAY, st least until the TVD season premiere, to get my Shirtless Salvatore FIX! It’s like a One Stop Shop for Sexy! 😉

    (You even managed to sneak a Blue Panty Dropper Sweater moment in there. Don’t think I didn’t notice. I was mad as heck at Eric for ruining that beautiful sweater, toward the end of True Blood’s Season 3! I hope he’s found a good dry cleaner, in time for Season 4.)

    Also, many thanks for the kickass dedication! The fact that I could be associated with this awesome post, and, by extension, EVERY SHIRTLESS SALVATORE PICTURE IN EXISTENCE, makes me a very happy fangirl, indeed! 😉

    So, here’s what I’ve been thinking. You know how supposedly, back in the day, Adam and Eve ALWAYS walked around BUTT NAKED, until that pesky snake gave Eve the apple, and made her “remember” that she was “supposed” to wear clothing?

    Well, I propose that we go back in time and STEAL that proverbial apple from the Vampire and Werewolf versions of Adam and Eve. We do that, and all the Salvatores, Lockwoods, Northmans and Herveauxs get to be shirtless ALL THE TIME! Oh what a world it would be! 🙂

    • Spidey Sense

      It was a hard job staring at Shirtless Salvatores to prepare this post, but someone had to do it 😉 You’re more than welcome for the dedication – your kickass fangirly posts inspire me every week! 🙂

      Now you just need to join Twitter so you can take part in the #TeamShirtlessSalvatores crusade. One small step for man, one giant leap for fangirlkind!

      I practically flinched when Eric fed on Hadley and blood started gushing everywhere! It was like NOOOOOO! Poor Blue Panty Dropper Sweater! I don’t think I’ll ever quite recuperate from the sight of him in that sweater by the way. It is without a doubt my favourite Eric look ever. And that is saying A LOT.

      The Shirtlessness Gods are no doubt highly pleased by your idea about how to change biblical times for the shirtless betterment of the world. That darn snake has a lot to answer for :).

  • Tweets that mention In Defense Of Shirtless Salvatores « myspideysenseistingling -- Topsy.com

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Nik Salvatore Leto, Cherie Barnett, Cherie Barnett, Cherie Barnett and others. Cherie Barnett said: @LMJGrl @Jesse_91 The Salvatore shirtless force is strong in both of you. Enjoy! http://wp.me/p1b7Ab-go #TeamShirtlessSalvatores […]

  • paulwesleylover

    ABSolutely perfect post!!! You hit the hot guy nail right on the head…….I love this post and will definitely visit your blog again!!

    • Spidey Sense

      Hi Paulwesleylover! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting!

      I LOVE your website so much. Are you the lucky chickadee who got a hug from Paul Wesley at Paley Fest 2010?

      I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! I was re-watching season two eps during TVD hiatus, and decided I couldn’t stand the shirtfulness any longer without speaking up 😉

      As a Paul Wesley fan, you might like my Stefan Appreciation post: http://bit.ly/esRK2n

      And you might like to stop in for the Vampire Diaries Sensory Overload Sundays I do each week 🙂 The character focus changes each week, but I can GUARANTEE there will be hot Stefan action. Such as the hot Stefan back porn in the make out scene with Elena in The Descent promo… Mmm!

      • paulwesleylover

        Aww thanks. The site is owned by my friend Sharie but I work on it as well. And yes indeed, I am the lucky duck who got a hug and kiss from Paul at Paleyfest!! BEST NIGHT EVER!!!!! You do a great job on this blog! Are you on Twitter? I would love to follow you on there. I am, of course, @paulwesleylover on twitter. Keep up the excellent work of demanding more arm, abs, porn!!

        • Spidey Sense

          It is so awesome that your friend’s name is Sharie. I’m a Cherie too! (further proof of my theory that it is the name with the most variations of spelling in the history of the universe :))

          Haha! I love you SO DAMN MUCH! You basically did what I hope I would have the guts to do if I was at a Vampire Diaries panels and saw Paul or Ian.

          I’m definitely on Twitter! You can read all my random thoughts here: @CherieBee27

          I’m of course following you already 🙂

          By the way, I’m totally adding you guys to my blogroll because you are awesome. And that is all.

          • paulwesleylover

            LOL!! It sure is nice to be loved!! I basically could not stop myself from talking once I stood up and opened my big mouth. The TVD panel and Paul seemed to have enjoyed it though. I think I made him feel good and important. And let me tell you, I was SOOOO nervous when I realized he was going to jump off that stage for me. I almost freaked out!!

            Thanks for adding us to your blogroll! You are so sweet and awesome!! Hey, I am going to DM you on twitter with my full name so we can find each other on Facebook if you are on there too.

            Love ya!

            • Spidey Sense

              You were so funny and adorable that of course he would’ve loved you! Plus from all fan footage I’ve seen of him, he seems really sweet and appreciative.

              Did you actually manage to get your number in his pocket?! 😉 BTW, I would’ve had heart palpitations too if Paul started Stealth Salvatoring towards me 🙂 Hopefully you guys gets to EyeCon so you can ask for a Shirtless Hug (TM Price Peterson)

              Will definitely DM you back re: Facebook!

              • paulwesleylover

                I wish….I would have liked to put a tattoo of my phone number on his forehead if I could!! 🙂

                I may be going to EyeCon but I don’t know yet…there appears to be lots of drama with lots of people, ya know how that can be!

                Again thanks for the support and love!!

    • Spidey Sense

      Oh, yeah, speaking of ABSolute perfection, I truly have never seen abs quite like Paul’s before. Guess that training regime of his is working :).

  • Jenny

    Hysterical post! I DO hope there’s more to drink to when the show resumes! It’s good to know we have Ian Somerhalder in our corner, at least!

    • Spidey Sense

      Hi Jenny!

      Happy to bring the lulz! I love your Forever Young Adult website so much. The Peeta vs Gale debate in particular cracked me up so much. TEAM PEETA, take that, Henri 😉

      Shirtless Salvatores are a many-splendoured thing – I think the word gratuitous is being bandied about too much when it comes to showing off their hotness. Too much is never enough! 🙂

      I LOVE the fact that I could directly quote Ian wanting to get naked more often. I bet he was only half-joking when he said that – after all, it is a crime to hide a body like that away!

  • imaginarymen

    My friend Sarah and I have a motto for “True Blood”: SHIRTS BOOOOOO!!!

    I think it certainly applies here too – Cleanliness may be next to godliness, but Shirtfulness is next to lameness.

    I too envy that damn Wardrobe Person. “Here, try tugging it off just ONE more time, I’m really not sure how the fabric will work for the INTEGRITY OF THE SCENE” ;-0

    I am TeamIanSomerhalderWantsToTakeHisShirtOff -and I fully agree with your environmental reasons as stated in Reason #3

    And any post that gives me multiple pingbacks, Shirtless Salvatores aplenty, AND a random gratuitous Shout-out to my Music Sex God is A+++!!

    • Spidey Sense

      Shirtfulness is basically like the fangirl equivalent of bubonic plague, with the only symptom being that it causes festering in the eyes.

      So I wholeheartedly agree with the motto you and your friend Sarah, clearly in a moment of genius, came up with.

      Imagine being Wardrobe Person if Paul or Ian were desperately trying to pull off an uncooperative shirt and became straight jacketed so that they were stuck with their shirt lifted and abs showing, and completely at your mercy. It. Would. Be. The. Best. Day. Ever. At. Work. No, I haven’t put any thought into that at all :).

      I am definitely TeamIanSomerhalderWantsToTakeHisShirtOff – such an AWESOME name for a Twitter hashtag! Give the boy what he wants, Julie and Kev!

      You deserve all the pingbacks because you are Awesome Amy, after all! And you can count on me to get creative with my posts and work in your Music Sex God when you least expect him to appear…

  • Andi B. Goode

    Gosh. I’ve never actually seen this show – was half interested but had friends with similar taste tell me they got bored of it – but I think I may have to after seeing these pictures. ;]
    -Andi x

    • Spidey Sense

      Your friends probably watched the first four shitty, shitty episodes and gave up. I only managed to hang on because of my vamp obsessions. But this show becomes the heir apparent to Buffy. Big praise coming from me!

      Believe me, you definitely should watch it! Vampire Diaries used to own its beefcake quotient hard but have backed off a little, but the men on this show are insanely hot AND good actors.

  • Blogging Girls Gone Wild! Mystic Falls Edition « she liked Imaginary Men best of all

    […] and god help us all if there isn’t some damn SHIRTLESSNESS already because no one likes unhappy fangirlie bloggers denied hot boys without shirts. NO […]

  • Theme song for #TeamShirtlessSalvatores « myspideysenseistingling

    […] Oh! The theme song you and Damon helped me devise for the hallowed cause, In Defense of Shirtless Salvatores? […]

  • Flowers Friday: “Music Sex God” edition « she liked Imaginary Men best of all

    […] repeated posts about Brandon Flowers, I got her so invested in him that she now refers to him as “Music Sex God” and randomly inserts pictures of him in her own blog posts just because he’s so damn […]

  • Adria

    I love this blog post! I hope the April episode quenches our thirst ladies!

    • Spidey Sense

      Hi Adria! Thanks so much for stopping by and your sweet words! This blog post had been brewing up in me for a while as increasingly more episodes passed after the season two premiere with nary a Shirtless Salvatore in sight. I am certainly hoping that the April episode not only quenches our thirst for Salvatoreo goodness, but also Tyler and Jeremy.

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