Tag Archives: Edward

Mixtape Mondays – Spidey Edward & Spidette Bella – Twilight

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Depending on my mood, the Twilight series is one of two things…

1)      The worst fiction to ever be printed on poor, innocent, defenceless ex-trees.

2)      Literary crack fiction of the highest order that deserves its own book shelf, complete with revolving disco ball, rainbow sparkles and unicorns trotting around. (Yes, I’m aware that I constantly refer to unicorns when describing my obsessions; Veronica Mars fans will understand).

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To give you an example of my schizophrenic taste in things, here are my two favourite Y2K songs:

I stand by the latter without any shame 😉

 

So, anyway, I re-read the first Twilight book for this mixtape post, dutifully recording thoughts in my trusty notebook along the way.

These notes started off as an honest attempt to do an in-depth analysis of their character dynamics, but quickly devolved into this…

P37 His hair was dripping wet, dishevelled – even so he looked like he’d just finished shooting a commercial for hair gel. His dazzling face was friendly, open, a slight smile on his flawless lips.

Mark Reads 'Twilight': Chapter 5 photo 1

Seriously SMeyer, just f**k your own literary creation already and get it over with, kthnxbye. Also, dazzling. And what exactly do flawless lips look like anyway??

P192 The overpowering craving to touch him also refused to fade, and I crushed my fists safely against my ribs until my fingers were aching with the effort.

Mark Reads 'Twilight': Chapter 2 photo 3

JUST F**KING TOUCH HIM ALREADY BELLA! Who cares if he treated you like you had an airborne contagion before?

P220 I knew I was far too stressed to sleep, so I did something I’d never done before. I deliberately took unnecessary cold medicine – the kind that knocked me out for a good eight hours.

Haha! Gratuitious drug use in a Mormon Vampire Bible. Love it!

P233 “It’s twilight,” Edward murmured, looking at the western horizon, obscured as it was with clouds. His voice was thoughtful, as if his mind were somewhere far away. I stared at him as he gazed unseeingly out the windshield. I was still staring when his eyes suddenly shifted back to mine.

“It’s the safest time of the day for us,” he said, answering the unspoken question in my eyes. “The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way…the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don’t you think?” He smiled wistfully.

Mark Reads 'Twilight': Chapter 14 photo 1

*Spidey aneurism* You so deep, SMeyer.

Right around the part where Edward gives Bella a kiss that LITERALLY STOPS HER HEART, it started becoming impossible to form coherent thoughts.

One actual note:

GAH!BGA;OPGBAPO;GBAOP;GBA[!!!!!!KOJBGAP;BELLAIHATEYOUGHAGENBABAABHA

It was at this point I realised that Twilight Mood #1 had me firmly in its grasp, and when it came to writing this mixtape I was in more trouble than a pregnant nun.

All I could think of was writing a mixtape of the most jaw-droppingly, batshit insane themes/moments of the first Twilight book.

So here they are, let me show them to you. 

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