You guys, the original sexy beast wasn’t Damon Salvatore.
Oh no, it all started with The Hoff (AKA David Hasselhoff), a being so truly magnificent the word “The” can’t remain uncapitalised in his presence.
Why does he look so familiar, you ask?
Well, he received equal billing with Pamela Anderson’s boobs on Baywatch!
Ever since Damon’s shower/bath were introduced so that Ian Sexyhalder could appear shirtless “organically” as opposed to “gratuitously” (oh, c’mon writers, just own it, you ain’t fooling anyone!), water has been a big theme on The Vampire Diaries lately.
So, I think it is time we went well and truly Off Like The Hoff in VD Sensory Overload… with a wet t-shirt/dripping wet competition.
Check your ovaries at the door.
To paraphrase Damon, I haven’t gone all pyro on you guys and reflected on his ungodly hotness in … TOO LONG! (OK, I did seven days ago, but do you know how long ago that is in vampire years?)
Anyway, have any of you guys noticed how many phallic weapons Damon gets to hold, or sometimes have torn out of him, on The Vampire Diaries?
Of course you have.
Now that Katherine no longer has a firm hold on Damon’s…
Barely an episode goes by when he isn’t thrusting, poking, prodding, penetrating and otherwise playing with sticks of one kind or another with all kinds of boys and girls.
This scene happened in Vampire Diaries episode The House Guest. Only picture Music Sex God a little blonder.
Unless otherwise credited, all awesome GIFs and images come from Gen of txgirl0302 Tumblr
I love obligatory psychotic jackasses who reveal an underbelly that is both soft…
… and rock hard.
I love screen caps that capture inexplicable facial expressions!
So, in the immortal words of Pacey Witter, is it any wonder that I have fallen 100 per cent ass backwards in love with Tyler Lockwood (Michael Trevino) of The Vampire Diaries?
You know that disappointed feeling you get sometimes, like when Santa neglected to leave the requested Tyler Lockwood or Jeremy Gilbert as a present for you at Christmas time?
The GQ photo of Vampire Diaries trio Trevino, Zach Roerig and Steven R McQueen left me a little cold.
Sure, this picture has a crouching werewolf, hidden sex god, element to it, plus Legal to Lust Over (TM Amy) McQueen arm porn and Roerig’s baby blues working overtime.
But allow Music Sex God to show you what I was expecting…
There’s a whole slideshow to gape over at GQ. Thank Amy from Imaginary Men for the link!
So, I’m going to do GQ’s job for them and show you just how damn good these boys, and, for good measure, the rest of their male castmates, look all suited up.
I love you too, Usher!
The countdown has begun for Usher’s OMG Tour in Australia, and I recently picked up my tickets for the event and got to gaze at them with awe-struck wonder.
Currently, these tickets sit in a crystal vault, with a disco ball revolving above it. And with angels playing harps nearby. That is how much I dig Usher.
There are three songs of his that hold a particularly special place in my heart. I don’t think I shock anyone when I say that the letter “U” is involved in all of their titles.
Disclaimer: I am a normal, well-adjusted fangirl. But I’ll be the first to admit that the torture porn in The Vampire Diaries makes me very happy indeed. Especially because it usually dovetails with torso porn.
Let’s take a step back.
What is torture porn?
Well, in horror films it is a subgenre that focuses on over interest in the vulnerability of the human body, usually through graphic violence.
On The Vampire Diaries, it usually involves a hot guy grunting and getting half-naked, hot and sweaty.
In short, it is a fangirl wet dream.
Let’s look at The Vampire Diaries torture porn hall of fame, shall we?
Last episode was a dark time for Forwood shippers.
And I’m not talking the good kind of dark, like Music Sex God in his Black Outfit of Lust.
(Seriously, I wish that this man could be cast as Klaus, because there is no way you could confuse him for an ordinary mortal)
Do you want fries with your Forwood unicorn burger?
These guys = Forwood mortal enemies
Spoilers and speculation abound! Matt fans tread carefully because I’m a Tyler girl. You have been warned.
Fun fact: when mummifying bodies, ancient Egyptians would insert a hook through the nose of the dead person and pull out their brain… in pieces. This was so that they could store it in a jar with the corpse in its tomb, along with the rest of the body’s internal organs.
Now, why am I giving you this disgusting history lesson, especially when this episode is meant to be all about daddifying?
Well, it pretty much describes how I felt tonight as a Forwood shipper, only it was my heart being removed… bit by broken bit. Suffice it to say I felt like I was down in that tomb myself with Katherine wearing a Magic Not Death ring and being used as her food source over and over, having pretty much the crappiest week EVER.
Put another way, it’s like someone eviscerated my Forwood unicorn when watching what went down between Tyler and Caroline in Daddy Issues (S02E13).
In this episode, we learn that Tyler’s intense black eyes become “more like gold with amber highlights” when he is really, really pissed in human form.
Tyler does some potentially unforgiveable things that make you wonder if the writers want him to be ultimately redeemable or set up as the next major villain.
And you get to find out just HOW MUCH I want were bitch Jules to roll over and play dead.
Might I suggest Damon do a little werewolf open heart surgery on her?