Tag Archives: Twilight

Mixtape Mondays – Spidey Edward & Spidette Bella & Spidey Jacob – Eclipse

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Stardust

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Just in case you were wondering what my head looked like after this recap… The first line is only the beginning!

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Mixtape Mondays – Spidey Edward & Spidette Bella & Spidey Jacob – New Moon

In the Twittersphere…

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@CherieBee27 I’m starting to doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion. Why is your New Moon mixtape late?

@SMeyer Well, I’ve been putting it off because a piece of my soul dies every time I try to recap what annoys me about that book

@CherieBee27 So why don’t you just do a tweetcap? Twitter makes everything awesome *cough* #NoTwitterJulie

@SMeyer You’re so right! #IanSexyhalder #PaulSexley #TrevinoWereSexGod OK, now I’ve got that out I’m ready!

bamf-leather-jacket-trevino

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Mixtape Mondays – Spidey Edward & Spidette Bella – Twilight

AwesomeTwilightCartoon

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Depending on my mood, the Twilight series is one of two things…

1)      The worst fiction to ever be printed on poor, innocent, defenceless ex-trees.

2)      Literary crack fiction of the highest order that deserves its own book shelf, complete with revolving disco ball, rainbow sparkles and unicorns trotting around. (Yes, I’m aware that I constantly refer to unicorns when describing my obsessions; Veronica Mars fans will understand).

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To give you an example of my schizophrenic taste in things, here are my two favourite Y2K songs:

I stand by the latter without any shame 😉

 

So, anyway, I re-read the first Twilight book for this mixtape post, dutifully recording thoughts in my trusty notebook along the way.

These notes started off as an honest attempt to do an in-depth analysis of their character dynamics, but quickly devolved into this…

P37 His hair was dripping wet, dishevelled – even so he looked like he’d just finished shooting a commercial for hair gel. His dazzling face was friendly, open, a slight smile on his flawless lips.

Mark Reads 'Twilight': Chapter 5 photo 1

Seriously SMeyer, just f**k your own literary creation already and get it over with, kthnxbye. Also, dazzling. And what exactly do flawless lips look like anyway??

P192 The overpowering craving to touch him also refused to fade, and I crushed my fists safely against my ribs until my fingers were aching with the effort.

Mark Reads 'Twilight': Chapter 2 photo 3

JUST F**KING TOUCH HIM ALREADY BELLA! Who cares if he treated you like you had an airborne contagion before?

P220 I knew I was far too stressed to sleep, so I did something I’d never done before. I deliberately took unnecessary cold medicine – the kind that knocked me out for a good eight hours.

Haha! Gratuitious drug use in a Mormon Vampire Bible. Love it!

P233 “It’s twilight,” Edward murmured, looking at the western horizon, obscured as it was with clouds. His voice was thoughtful, as if his mind were somewhere far away. I stared at him as he gazed unseeingly out the windshield. I was still staring when his eyes suddenly shifted back to mine.

“It’s the safest time of the day for us,” he said, answering the unspoken question in my eyes. “The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way…the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don’t you think?” He smiled wistfully.

Mark Reads 'Twilight': Chapter 14 photo 1

*Spidey aneurism* You so deep, SMeyer.

Right around the part where Edward gives Bella a kiss that LITERALLY STOPS HER HEART, it started becoming impossible to form coherent thoughts.

One actual note:

GAH!BGA;OPGBAPO;GBAOP;GBA[!!!!!!KOJBGAP;BELLAIHATEYOUGHAGENBABAABHA

It was at this point I realised that Twilight Mood #1 had me firmly in its grasp, and when it came to writing this mixtape I was in more trouble than a pregnant nun.

All I could think of was writing a mixtape of the most jaw-droppingly, batshit insane themes/moments of the first Twilight book.

So here they are, let me show them to you. 

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Supes 101 – Lycanthropes, misanthropes and Wolfy McWolves

Lycanthropy, or being a werewolf, is a condition that doesn’t seem to get the same attention as vampirism.

Never really been able to understand why that is the case, myself. I mean, here are some fairly convincing reasons for close, close examination:

shirtless-oz

Oops, sorry, was that GIF too fast for the human naked eye to follow? OK, let’s break it down into its itty, bitty parts…

jacob-shirt-removal-slowmo

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For the fangirls who take the time to make pic series like these, let me take this opportunity to tell you that I LOVE YOU like I love kittens and sunshine. Which is to say, a lot!

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shirtless-lucian-underworld-five

 Tyler: What should I wear? I don’t think it’s like the Hulk where I get to keep my pants. 

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But seriously though, werewolf mythologies fascinate me just as much as vampire ones. So many questions spring to mind when I think about them.

What happens to a person’s humanity or “soul”, for want of a better term, when they wolf out? Is it still present but just suppressed by the wolf’s animalistic urges? Or does it leave the building altogether when Wolfy McWolf takes over? Are werewolves more demonic or animalistic? In what ways is a werewolf different to, or more demonic than, an ordinary wolf? What does the transformation from human to werewolf involve? Is this transformation limited to the full moon, or can this be done at will? And just like it can be argued that real vampires don’t sparkle, should real werewolves be able to transform any time it strikes their fancy anyway? What is the difference between werewolves and shapeshifters?

Suddenly not just looking like overgrown bunny eaters, are they?

So let’s address some of these questions as they relate to the werewolf mythologies in Buffy The Vampire Slayer, the Harry Potter series, the Twilight series, Sookieverse (True Blood and the Sookie Stackhouse novels), the Underworld series and The Vampire Diaries, shall we?

 The Vampire Diaries  Season 1 Rewind, Part 3: Full-Speed Undead!

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See, even Tyler wants to know what it all means when it comes to werewolves!

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Mixtape Mondays – Anti Love – Spidey Damon & Spidette Katherine – The Vampire Diaries

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(I’m sorry this is so late guys, but I have been sick with bad headaches this week, which has made anything other that adding comments to other posts impossible. But at least now you have a flurry of posts to look forward to!)

As evil vampire Katherine Pierce noted on The Vampire Diaries, there is a thin line between love and hate, and her relationship with Damon Salvatore has gone from one extreme to the other. The feelings of obsession Damon had for Katherine for 145 years were too strong to be killed outright in the immediate aftermath of the revelation of her betrayals, but he has slowly come to terms with the great love he thought they shared being an illusion. So let’s check out the gloriously f**ked up opera from start to finish so far, shall we?

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Supes 101 – Love, free will, and supes

My, what big fangs you have Eric! (TM KJewls) Source

Vampire boy meets human girl. Boy likes girl. Boy shows girl how big his fangs are. Girl has fairy blood that is like crack for boy. Boy tries to glamour girl. Girl is impervious to his compulsion but not to his preternatural hotness. More supernatural hijinks ensue. Boy and girl try their hardest to live happily ever after, never mind the difficulties inherent in the boy’s ever after being eternity and his inhuman nature.

Ahh, supes and the emoteens and emoadults who love them. Not exactly the stuff fairytales are made of.

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Supes 101 – Do vampires have souls?

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Do vampires have a soul? It depends on how you see the world, as the Buffster says!

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The Twilight Saga – Why it’s the ultimate feminist movie franchise

ivyso, twilightsagalove & ihearttaylor

I had a spirited discussion with someone today about the omnipresent Twilight Saga movies, in which my sparring partner said I was basically a traitor to all womankind for being obsessed with the franchise. I could hardly take THAT comment sitting down, and thought that the best way to respond is with a rebuttal blog post.

Now, I am pretty indiscriminate in terms of my love for all things vampirey, sparkly or otherwise. But how anyone could fail to see that the Twilight Saga movies (emphasis on the movies part) are the ultimate feminist vehicles EVER in cinematic history is beyond me.

I know that comment might make some of you feel the sudden desire to find a guillotine, wrench off my head and stuff it on the nearest pike available to parade through your town. Just keep an open mind, because flawless logic is on my side 😉

All picspam from F**k Yeah Jacob Black Tumblr unless otherwise credited.

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