Tag Archives: Vampire Diaries Sensory Overload Sundays
You guys, the original sexy beast wasn’t Damon Salvatore.
Oh no, it all started with The Hoff (AKA David Hasselhoff), a being so truly magnificent the word “The” can’t remain uncapitalised in his presence.
Why does he look so familiar, you ask?
Well, he received equal billing with Pamela Anderson’s boobs on Baywatch!
Ever since Damon’s shower/bath were introduced so that Ian Sexyhalder could appear shirtless “organically” as opposed to “gratuitously” (oh, c’mon writers, just own it, you ain’t fooling anyone!), water has been a big theme on The Vampire Diaries lately.
So, I think it is time we went well and truly Off Like The Hoff in VD Sensory Overload… with a wet t-shirt/dripping wet competition.
Check your ovaries at the door.
To paraphrase Damon, I haven’t gone all pyro on you guys and reflected on his ungodly hotness in … TOO LONG! (OK, I did seven days ago, but do you know how long ago that is in vampire years?)
Anyway, have any of you guys noticed how many phallic weapons Damon gets to hold, or sometimes have torn out of him, on The Vampire Diaries?
Of course you have.
Now that Katherine no longer has a firm hold on Damon’s…
Barely an episode goes by when he isn’t thrusting, poking, prodding, penetrating and otherwise playing with sticks of one kind or another with all kinds of boys and girls.
Disclaimer: I am a normal, well-adjusted fangirl. But I’ll be the first to admit that the torture porn in The Vampire Diaries makes me very happy indeed. Especially because it usually dovetails with torso porn.
Let’s take a step back.
What is torture porn?
Well, in horror films it is a subgenre that focuses on over interest in the vulnerability of the human body, usually through graphic violence.
On The Vampire Diaries, it usually involves a hot guy grunting and getting half-naked, hot and sweaty.
In short, it is a fangirl wet dream.
Let’s look at The Vampire Diaries torture porn hall of fame, shall we?
Poor Steven R McQueen.
He’s 23, but much like his character Jeremy Gilbert on The Vampire Diaries is finding, it’s hard for us to stop thinking of him as a cute kid we’d like to put in our pocket, because of his young puppy appearance in the first season of TVD.
Awesome blogger Amy from Imaginary Men and fellow fangirl Trish even contemplated resurrecting their Dirty Old Lady moniker from fangirling days past, because even though they know Steven is in his 20s and therefore what they call Legal to Lust Over, perving on his youthful cuteness has made them feel a little guilty.
You know, the guilt many of us had over lusting after 16-year-old Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black in New Moon, a movie where he was contractually obligated to appear shirtless in every other scene.
(Though I would argue that his publicist pushed the manmeat angle hard… RollingStone Lautner cover I’m looking at you… so I didn’t feel too bad, but that is a story for another day. Or maybe I’m just a Dirty Young Lady at 23.)
The RPattz sparklepire hair he had at his audition for the Vampire Diaries didn’t help matters.
Fear not, fellow McQueen fans.
He may have made you feel like a Dirty Old Lady in the past, but I’ve taken the liberty to dig up photos and GIFs that prove it should be illegal NOT to lust after him.
Thought I would get your attention straight away with the battering ram equivalent of Legal to Lust Over!
Vampire Barbie AKA Caroline Forbes comes with so many different clothes and accessories! I bet she even has a Camper Van hidden somewhere… probably with Mason Lockwood’s decomposing body locked away in it.
Let’s check out her best looks so far, shall we?
OK, I know this post is way in advance of Sunday, but just look at the picture below and you’ll understand why I couldn’t wait to send out this post.
Rudolf told me he had the most awesome Christmas ever. You know why? He wasn’t allowed to join in any reindeer games, so he played vampire games instead.
Stefan taught him how to jump rope with a shirt.
An awesome regular male Spidey commenter, Marc, noted recently that a lot of my recaps are extremely male centric, and I must admit that there is a whole lotta truth to that statement.
But here at Spidey we are equal opportunity oglers. And even as a straight woman, I can appreciate the hotness of other women in an objective way.
So here is my first female centric post, featuring the best looks of the original sexy bitch herself, HVIC Katherine Pierce from The Vampire Diaries.